Connection and Reflection
I decided I needed to write and share my feelings. It is the only way I know to process this. Last night outside our window, we heard a series of gunshots. My roommate asked me if those were shots coming from the you-tube I was watching. It was not the you-tube, it was series of gunshots…outside our window…
My immediate reaction was to call the police, but my roommate said perhaps we shouldn’t because maybe we were wrong about what we heard… and then within minutes there seemed to be a man yelling and a woman screaming. We then thought perhaps there was a domestic situation unfolding or continuing, and at that time we both decided to call the police.
Let me tell you if you are having an emergency and are using a cell phone pray no one’s dying or seriously hurt because you first go to the highway patrol dispatcher..and they ask you what seems to be 20 questions and then you need to know enough to ask them to connect you to the police department in your city…all the while time is ticking, the yelling escalating and they are asking you questions…and you just want to say okay, no urgency here, just someone maybe dying.
Finally after what seems an eternity, but is probably 2-3 minutes I’m speaking to the local police dispatcher…and she informs me there have been other calls regarding this and police and ambulance are on the way…and all the while people are screaming and yelling and it seems to be intensifying.
The dispatcher proceeded to ask me questions, and I’m responding, yet I did not actually see anything, I’m just hearing it, and within another 2 minutes I hear the sirens and there is a bevy of activity outside out window, but still the screaming and the yelling go on.
I must admit, my curiosity was raging…I was alarmed and I had adrenal pumping through me.
We were 50 plus yards away, but it was so close. It was difficult to see what was happening from the window, but I wasn’t going out there when I knew a gun had been fired. We watched as a crowd gathered, the fire department came, the ambulance came, the police were blocking the area off with yellow tape, the fire engine left, the ambulance left and the police were still wondering around and still we did not know what truly happened. I finally heard a woman talking on a cell phone saying he was shot right outside his apartment building, and they were not able to get a response…
That was the first time the true impact of the events hit me. Someone had been shot… really shot…this was real, not a movie, but real life.. Through my sense of hearing I had witnessed a crime, a shooting. Someone could be dead…just like that…gone..
My friend and I discussed gun control and then she left to go to bed, and I was left to ponder the events of the last 2-3 hours on my own.
I know an aspect of me felt numb, as if in shock, another part of me felt the connection I have to the person who was shot as well as the person who did the shooting…and I was tormented on how do I come to terms with this. It haunted me, and sleep did not come willingly…
I decided to find out if the person died or not, so I search the internet and discovered it was a 16 year old boy and he’d been shot multiple times and was in critical condition. There was no report of an arrest and the police had no motive, so I have no idea what the screaming and yelling was all about, but I also felt a huge sense of remorse for not calling the minute we heard the shots. I wondered if I could have done more. I was dumbstruck with wonder as to what would cause someone to hurt another in such a way…to shoot, maim or kill someone…what would be in the heart of someone that did that.
I had to pull myself back to an understanding that there are reasons for things I cannot see or know. Although in my ego-self I felt it was madness, I somehow knew I did not have all the answers, nor did I have all the information…I wanted to blame someone, but in some way I guess the blame sits within each of us. I wanted to know how I could change things…and I realized I can only go about changing myself.
I ended up doing a sound healing for the wounded spirit of both the person shot and the person who did the shooting. I spent the night working on a meditation I might be able to record that would support the spirit of others.
Although I wasn’t wounded I understood my connection to the wounded one and the perpetrator, and I felt a moment of sorrow, and then reflection…
Blessings….and thank you for letting me share.